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Who is a "real" sub?

To be fair, there is no such thing as a "real" sub. It is all in the eye of the beholder.

Every person takes it differently. There are subs only in bed, some are used as furniture, some are used as a urinal, some come to clean the Master's house and some like to be used financially.

I'm different. I don't like to clean and cannot stand still for hours, so that is out of the question for me. That said, I do like to make people happy and I'm very total person, so I combine the two to "24/7" sub. That means in bed and real life, but all has to be decided before the beginning of the relationship. A contract, you know, but not like in "50 Shades" where they sit in a conference room and discuss details.

With my last Master (let's call that Dom, I like it better than Master), we wrote the contract in Word Docs, with editing rights that were removed as soon as we decided the negotiation is over. What we wrote in the contract?

  1. What is allowed to do to each other.

  2. What are our soft and hard limits.

  3. Safety words.

  4. Who are we allow to involve in our relationship (other women/men) and how.

  5. For what do I need to ask specific permission (for example, to go out with a male friend).

  6. Under what terms am I allowed to ask him to release me (there is no such thing as a break-up. A sub has to ask to be released.).

I like contracts :)

So, yes, I had to ask his permission to do things. He told me what to wear, who to go out with and what to eat, how to please him in bed and in life, and most importantly, he could decide if I'm a bad girl, who deserves not-so-nice punishments. I have to admit... I was kind of a brat, so provoked him to punishments most of the time. And he tried to smile, but there were times he was willing to kill me, I'm sure. Well, he was a soft-Dom. I wouldn't try to be so provocative with hard-Dom. With hard-Dom punishments can be a nightmare.

Back to the main topic. When you are 24/7 sub you can relax and stop thinking, or overthinking. Someone does it for you. Your Dom has to be someone you trust completely, so he knows not to hurt you, and even more - keep you safe.

That was my goal - I needed to feel safe and I needed the silence in my head in order to have some order. Loosing control as a sub helped me gain control as a person.

With my other Doms I had one more goal - to feel the physical pain in order to silence my painful soul - it helped. That is why I chose hard-Doms. But that's for another time.


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