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Prey is looking for a hunter

I tried to leave this world behind me. Not once, but a few times. I told myself it's a matter of decision, that I am the only one to decide. Pile of bullshit.

You can never leave.

Being a sub, a real sub, is in your soul. You can be as dominant as you want during the day, but at night, when no one sees, you drop on your knees and pray to be a prey.

I'm a sub with no Master. Lost in space. I'm an independent woman, but I need someone to tell me what to do, to help me gain control of my thoughts and words again.

I need it like air. I need it now. Everything is falling apart, and I have someone who wants my body and my sexy stories, but not my emotions and thoughts. And it was my choice to have him.

My emotions and thoughts are the problem here, to be honest.

I love him. I'm in-love with him. He's an amazing person, but if he has any feelings, he doesn't want to admit it. I get that. It was my mistake to take down all my walls and after 6 months together to tell him how I feel, with all it means. But, obviously, he's not there. Or maybe yes, I don't know because he doesn't want to say, and I don't want to push him.

I want to be clear: he is not emotionally disabled - exactly the opposite. He shows emotional intelligence and sensitivity most of the time. We agreed upon specific kind of relationship, and I broke the defined limits, not him. It should have been a fun one, sexy, easy-going and long-distance. It worked very well, until I told him how I feel, which was not a surprise, but, you know, it's not the same when you think something and when you hear it out loud.

Anyway, we were kind of fighting the last few days, and I lost it at some point yesterday and was very unpleasant with my words, told him we were done. I felt too exposed, I got scared and pushed the walls back up. And he got upset, wow. He was UPSET.

I felt such a hero when I told him it was over. I actually didn't think he would care because he has so much on his mind, but he did care. Maybe he does like me, who knows.

This morning I asked him if he is okay and we can end our relationship on good terms.

- "You choose."

- "Can you please try telling me what do *you* want? I know what I think is the right thing to do. It's not necessarily what I want to do. And there are two parties here, so your opinion counts. Your opinion and wishes. You're supposed to know by now that I care what you think and want." - "I want to go back to normal. This jump from my desire to put my dick in your mouth to I want to run away is too much for me. I need stability."

Then the sub kicked in and took over, like it wasn't me initiating the break-up.

- "If I promise to behave myself, be mentally stable and be there to make your dick hard, would it work?"

- "I want to go back to where we were, with the positive vibes."

- " Which means yes?"

- "Yes, we can try."

Then it happened. Something in him emerged, and the chocolate chip appeared. And he didn't even notice.

- "You have to be disciplined and stable even when things are messy in your head."

Yes, Sir.

Now I have a proof he has it in him. I wasn't sure so far, but now I know.

And this is how I got here. Prey who's looking for a hunter.


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