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I deserve a better goodbye

Boyfriend is no longer boyfriend.

He didn't text me for 3 days, so I just texted "are you okay?" - he replied with a "yes, visiting a friend." I didn't hear from him since then. No text, no call, nothing.

I see him online sometimes, so I know he's alive, but I don't write. If he doesn't want to write, I'm not going to make him nor beg him.

It's not the first time he does this. He has his reasons. I know it's not me, it's really him. Last time I was broken. Couldn't move on for months. Finally, when I managed not to think about him anymore, he showed up again, and I fell for it. I knew it's not healthy, I know it. He knows it. We couldn't help it, I guess. Addiction.

I promised myself this time I will not be as broken as I was last time. That I'm not going to write him back if he writes, not going to answer texts or emails. But he didn't write. At the beginning it worked, but the last few days were hard. I know I'm waiting for someone who will never be mine. I know I love someone who cannot tell me he loves me back. I know we are addicted to each other, and that it's not healthy to either of us. I know, but my heart is way behind my brain.

I'm not even mad at him, you know. Just disappointed that he left without saying anything. I deserve a better goodbye.


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